Long lasting relationships understand the power of one.

Have you been in a relationship? Would you say that the sum of you plus your beloved one was two people?

My vision is that couples form teams because at two we are better than alone. Teams of one player rarely succeed in front of multiplayers' teams. At the very beginning it might not exactly be the first reason why we get together. We are naturally attracted by some people. But this is for us to remember that we can't just be alone: we need to be more in our team. Nature makes us feel the same, that we need to be two. Even helped with so called "science progress" you will always need two people to create life: this is a clear indication of the need to be at least two to evolve.

Even if sex might be the first reason to approach someone, one clearly sees the benefits of being with that someone else only after seeing how two people can exponentiate life and make it easier... or not.

1 + 1 = 2 ?

Here is where we can get lost: does 1+1=2 ?! This is a way of thinking that I respect but can't disagree more. It means that each person in a couple lives a distinct life by its own but maybe under the same roof. Or another vision of that same concept would be two people living the same life together, but consider that their separate efforts are worth double.

Now let's take a minute to illustrate those two concepts with some random task, say assembling an bed... If you've been in a relationship long enough, I bet you've been through this one at least once. Okay, you are given a lot of pieces to assemble the bed as well as an instructions manual.

In the first concept, the couple may not even live together because they think each one has its separate life. But, say today is the "meeting day", right? This couple would just put responsibility on the buyer. Who bought the bed? You?! Well, so you assemble it, it's for you after all... I'll go watch TV, okay?! You have your lifepath, I have mine. Good luck!

In the second concept, the couple is living together and they actually bought the bed together for themselves. But they think that their force is doubled because they have two pairs of hands and two minds. So here is what they do: they put the guide in the middle and they start reading it together. Then they plan on assembling the bed together because... "we are two, so we will be twice better, twice faster, twice stronger". And 70% of the time, it ends up in non-sense disputes because: "I told you this screw was for that part of the plank!!", "what? nooo look!! damn it you!! it says B32!! How many B32s did we have???", "Hey!! You think that because I am a woman I cannot build a bed??! Is this what you are saying??"...

Most of us have fallen for this last concept: more brains means more intelligence, right? Wrong. Are you a kind of computer? Can you attach your brain to someone else's to make both a superbrain?! How? Give me that recipe, I'd love to do it... Try yourself at home, call your partner and ask him/her to compute with you (2467x5689/76544)+44 and see if it is any productive to sum that equation together. Do it. Do it and tell me if you were twice faster to solve it or twice slower organizing who does what part...

0.5 + 0.5 = 1

Here is my vision: 0.5 + 0.5 = 1.

Yeah, we lost one. This concept is very important to me as I think it reveals a lot of failures we usually find in couples, and don't get me wrong, I was the first to fall into those failures. This new way of thinking makes us cringe because immediately we think "wait, what? where is my other half? I lost 0.5 or what?". Indeed, we lose half of ourselves in that equation. How is that better? Numbers !!! People think relationship like money: "Duh !! 2 is better than 1 !!". Really?! So... quantity over quality then?! Other people react with their original me, me, me selfishness "Hey... I am me as one, nobody has the right to disminuish me because I am a special snowflake". Please die slowly.

Accept to lose a half of yourself: the 'ego' part.

You think you are the one? Let me tell you this: the 1 in the equation, it's not the sum of you and your partner, it's your children. Exactly. Kids are the ones, not you. So yes, you take half of yourself and give it to your kids. But before you give that share of yourself, you need to accept to lose it first. Not just the day before giving birth, but immediately with your partner even before conceiving. You just can't live your selfish life and expect to receive plenty of love. It just does not work like that. You want the happy Walt Disney life? Take a share of yourself and give it to your partner. Trust him/her, take things a bit down, accept to lose sometimes, accept he/she is better than you at some things and accept that sometimes it's not like you planned or wanted, and some other times just learn to... shut your mouth.

Realize what your partner is better at, and let him/her shine at it.

Also, here is how this couple assembles the bed... They have spoken together beforehand. They objectively determine "Ok, I think you are better at understanding the manual because it's more your thing...", "Yeah, maybe I can do the heavy lifting, you just tell me if you need more help.". Then one goes: "Ok we need a B32 and screw it on the left side of this plank" and the other just does it. Egos are left with the lost half, the bed is done, nobody is frustrated. Cool. I am indeed a man, but I never said the man should assemble and the woman guide it. This depends on every personality and abilities, I know woman more accurate and handy than mens. But yes, you should know where your complementarity stands and leave your ego bullshit elsewhere. As for the hardcore multiplication calculus, this couple recognizes that one is better with calculus and the other is better at say... negotiation (or whatever), so yes: one just admires the other do its thing and supports him/her while beating the hell out of the "I can do it too" couple still arguing who takes the division...

In couple we are only one, not two, but one more accurate, more efficient, more organized. This does not mean that we need to live one and only life for both. That is, too, another illusion. Each half can still have its dreams and desires sanely and freely. But both look in the same direction while helping its other half to pass obstacles intelligently with complementarity.