The secret to keep a relationship FOREVER ?

In 2020, we are used to get anything fast. Want a TV? Go to Amazon, click one button, wait 24h and you got it. Want to watch a movie? You don't need to go to the cinema anymore: go to Netflix, you got it. And this has come to a crazy stage in dating too: want a girl/boy? Go to Tinder, you swipe left and you got it. Easy! right?

Here is the downside of it: what goes around... comes around. And this is no exception, what you got fast, you lose fast. Why is that? Because everything is fast! Fast life, fast relationship, fast consumption, fast everything. But more importantly: abundance. You see, in our days, you can get anything. Have you been to the alley of Ketchups in a supermarket recently?

I just need one ketchup...

You have a lot of choices. Like a lot lot. This abundance of choice suggests one thing: if something goes wrong, you can always have another one... This, my friend, is the danger of your life. As soon as you know that you have the choice, you can't invest yourself in caring, or worst: you hesitate. Once you know you can change, or you can have another pair of shoes for cheap: why caring those new shoes? If I give you a room full of fancy watches and tell you "you can choose only one", you can take hours to make up your mind, pick one, go out and think "maybe the silver one was a better choice...". This is a real decease.

Choice is the danger of our age

I am not the kind of young-old creepy guy rehearsing about how old times were better because... I love the internet... But you can tell a big difference between old couples (I mean very old, 65+ ones) and younger ones: old couples last way longer, like the "forever" thing. Why? I love feminists because it's quite easy to guess their answer: "because divorce was not allowed". Yeah maybe... However this point of view does not explain why they are still married today, when divorce does exist.

Here is a theory I'd like to share with you. In the 50s, abundance was not there to pollute your mind with choices. Remember the old Ford campaign? You could have a car of any color, as long as it is black... In those days, distribution was not globalized like today. You could not order a phone from China if you - you could just not order anything from China, period - and phones did not even exist. But you get the point, if you needed a replacement for your car, it was just not available like that. Sometimes you would go to your local mechanic shop and they would tell you that this part is not even for sale on its own. So here is what people used to do. It now seems crazy but please bear with me, I swear they would do exactly that: repair it. Wow !!! Crazy, right?? They would just take out the part, inspect it, take out something, add some metal stuff, solder it, paint it over and replace it.

When was the last time you repaired something?

Today who even repairs if you can replace? Your microwaves (...microwaves dude!! isn't this the best modern days piece of art?) stops suddenly. What do you do? Okay let me guess: first you try to find "Ctrl+Alt+Del" on the keypad, then you scratch your head, then you reach behind it to find the power cable, plug it off and plug it back on, then you try to start your microwave again. 5 times out of 10, it works again!!! But the 5 other times out of 10, here is what you end up doing: go to Google and search 'cheap microwave'. Here is what your grandpa would say: "leave it there... I know a guy who repairs those stuff, I'll call him and he can give it back to you next week". OMG!!! Next week?? How the heck am I supposed to cook until then?? I better order it from Amazon Prime: it will come this afternoon.

Now transpose that to relationship for a minute. Every relationship has its ups and downs. Some day you come back home from a shitty day at the office and you don't know why, but you just know that today is not the day. "Tonight will be a chilly day, I am gonna watch some random show and just open a can of whatever food is in there." Then your wife or husband comes back from work too, and (s)he finds you in the sofa quite too chilly for her/his taste. "Weren't you supposed to wash the dishes today?" (please just suppose you don't have a washer machine...). And here it goes. You warned him/her it was not your day, but guess what? It was not his/her day neither. The match got lit, explosion is about to go down in 3, 2, 1... Now, here is why younger folks struggle to make relationships last forever: when everything goes into flames, nowadays you tell yourself "...I can be myself and don't give a damn, because if I really want, I can replace this guy/girl." So you don't care and your ego shines until bursting everything into greater flames. You even cross lines "You can tell your Mama that she should shave off her mustache!!"... Old couples, on the other hand, they know they might not get someone else quite easy, so they tamper things a bit. Haven't you seen old guys arguing? It's cute !! They just rumble two-three stuff behind their moustache "Yeah... it's always the same with you, but you never remember 1972 when I saved your life at this beach, right?", "Oh... you mean when you pushed me on the Ocean??", "Yeah whatever... whatever..." but they end-up listening and life goes on.

But don't get me wrong, couples' fights are sometimes a bit louder and a bit more justified. You know, the same old cheating thing everybody is afraid of, or this blurry story that nobody knows what really happened but everybody knows something definitely happened... Those episodes are lived like treason by everybody. "I gave you my trust, and you stabbed me in the back!". For younger folks, like me, our patience is quite flimsy. If there is any doubt, just ANY doubt: "I break up". And everything is over, for good. Once again, because "I can get any guy/girl I want. Anytime. I'll get someone who I can trust. Goodbye boo boo.". But for older couples, this is not the same story. You remember how old grandpa tries to fix your microwave? This is what they do: they try to fix relationships. Yeah it's hard as hell !!! But when they respect their partner, they just acknowledge they fucked up real good, and when they see their partner in tears - too late - they just feel they need to repair their relation. Even the suffering man or woman intends so. Yes they suffer. Yes something was broken. But they try to repair, they don't replace. And this is why old couples lasted: they'd try to repair as a first, second, and third option, and if it was not working they'd try to repair another fourth time then a fifth time once again. Eventually, life would go on, story would still be there in the past, but other events would pile up on top and shine brighter. Today, choices makes us lazy. Having more options allows our ego to just ignore our partners are humans with feelings, and the relation might deserve a fix.

I am not saying you can break people (literrally or mentally) and hope for them to accept being repaired, this is creepy and machiavelic. But, you should definitely consider the power of giving a second and third chance to someone willing to put the energy in repairing. You should also think twice before thinking your other choices: we know who we leave, but not who we find.

Bonus: Sometimes, repair is not possible. You broke a wheel of your car, it is now an 8 shape, it burned down at 50% and a meteorite landed on it: just buy another one. But humans are not cars. A car can't function without one wheel, but a human may still function with a broken heart. In those impossible to repair cases, creating new memories might just as well be a good solution to balance a broken heart. Just don't think other options too fast.