This is why you never achieve your goals
When I was 16, I was in love with Kung Fu. I was not just practicing sometimes, I was practicing 24h/7 night and day. Yeah I used to go to school too, like any teenager, but that wasn't an excuse. When sitting in my chair, listening for the teacher (okay... playing with my boys...) I was training my abs with some balancing moves. When I was tired, I would try to balance myself only with the power of one arm, and the list goes on. I was training at the club every monday, wednesday and friday, then on saturdays I was going to a public park to train with my sparring buddy Adrien.
I won a lot of tournaments, and in 2004, I was the French Champion of Kung Fu for my category. But here is the important thing to understand: I never planned that. My goal was never to be any kind of "champion". In fact, my dream was to be a martial art actor. When my trainer asked me if I wanted to go to my first competition I was like "Hmmmm I don't know... why?!". He replied "why not?!" and this is how I went to win my first medal. But from another point of view, like for my friends and family who did not attended this hesitant discussion, bringing a title back home was because I am so motivated that I could train for it.
Motivation is bullshit. When motivation comes in, you already lost.
Motivation is bullshit. When motivation comes in, you already lost. Motivation kicks in when you want to give up but you give yourself this last shot of dreamy masturbation to go the extra mile. Sometimes it's good and it works. But sometimes, not years. Like I said, I never planned on winning nothing, not even close, yet I won a lot. Why is that? See, if I was going to the club with the sole purpose of winning those titles, I would have failed miserably because motivation can't last 24h/7 for years. I started training at the age of 10 and won the French Open at 16 only: 6 years after my first training session!! Training was hard. At the age of 12 I was training with adults twice my size and four times my age. Don't get me wrong, I would not win those battles, not at all, they used to kick my ass real good. Sometimes I remember being knocked out and crying in front of 20 other guys... One day, one guy sent me a low kick at full power and I was not able to walk for a week. What I am trying to say is that you needed to really really really like Kung Fu to come back asking for punches, being knocked out and all. Having the only goal to win a title or some medals would kill that motivation quickly, believe me: you think you're good, and someone better kicks your ass so bad, you won't show up again. Add humiliation to that and you scratch Kung Fu as a whole.
So, why did I win? If it was not motivation, how would I keep on going to be whooped? Because I LOVED the feeling of being free. Having the titles was secondary to me. I liked going to the club and leave my body react to my opponents' movements, try to sneak into a defense, feeling exhausted but pumped up with adrenaline, feeling my heart beat, my brain off and my reflexes on. I loved the feeling of losing control of myself emotionnally and physically. When I fought someone, I was in a fight mode, relaxed, mechanically letting my body do his thing. I was not calculating what to do, when to do it, it was just responding to reflexes. I was leaving all my stress outside, focusing on my opponents moves and flaws. Of course it wasn't always like that. It takes a lot of practice and even at my top, I was sometimes stressed and could not switch off my brain. That's when I was knocked out... But that was not the feeling seeked. Being in love with that connection with myself, feeling free, was like nothing else. And I paid that feeling receiving kicks in my face, doing hundreds of push-ups, throwing thousands of punches to a bag... it was a fair price to me. It was not a burden nor a chore. It was the price to get the feeling.
You only crave for the goal, not the feeling.
So, why you never achieve your goals? Because you only seek the prize, not the feeling. You want to be a singer, but you don't like to sing every day in front of only ten people that may not really like what you sing. You want to be an olympic runner but you don't like to go running at 6am and feel the connection with the nature surrounding you. You want to have a 6-pack but you don't like the feeling of your abs taking fire after this last rep. You want to be a lawyer but you don't like to know what cases have been judged today. You just want the result but skipping the journey. It does not work like that my friend. You must LOVE the journey first, and eventually the goal will achieve by itself or with very low willpower from your part. If you don't DESPERATELY NEED to feel something, then you'll always see your goals but never reach them.
Find a feeling you like in what you do, close your eyes and enjoy it. When you'll start falling in love with that feeling, you'll skyrocket to your goals. Sometimes it's a detail. For example, every day I do push ups, not because I want to be shaped for summer, I don't give a fu** about that: I do it every night because I love feeling my blood flowing across my whole body and feel my muscles pumped up. Also the endorphines will let me sleep like a baby. If I don't do my push ups, the day after I feel thinner and weaker, and I go to bed quite missing something. Because I love this feeling, I keep doing it, and because I keep doing it I hit my goal of maintaining my body fit.
And that is the secret: set a goal, then take the time to find which feeling you crave for. When you'll fall in love with this feeling, you'll never give up, and this is your key to achieve your goals.
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